I’m always slightly sheepish when I “admit” that I read romance on a regular basis. And why not? Romance literature has never been taken seriously, despite the fact that it keeps print media breathing--sales of romance and romantasy in print make up 7 of the 10 bestselling books so far in 2024. 70%! In addition, of the top 20 listens on Audible this year, nine of them were in these genres.
So why am I embarrassed? More importantly, as professionals in the field, how can we make use of this resource?
As porn has become much more readily available as well as far more accessible (a little afternoon delight on the phone, anyone?), we are able to connect people to it as a resource far more easily than in the past. Sometimes we use it as a way for people to explore what turns them on, sometimes as a way to combat shame or erotophobia. We may forget that many people prefer the written word for their thrills, and romance/romantasy are by far the most numerous resources in this erotic realm.
If you doubt this, I have four words for you: 50 Shades of Gray. Remember that phenom? 50 Shades was the bestselling book not of the year it was published, but of the entire decade from 2010-2020. For good or for ill, this book also changed the face of kink communities forever. Grumbling about its awful and possibly dangerous depiction of a BDSM relationship continues to this day. Having said this, the book allowed for exploration, discussion and a normalization of kink in relationship, and yet, at its core, it is a romance. It is erotica.
Don’t discount your traditional romance, either. It doesn’t have to be kinky. Romance novels are filled with sex, that’s a huge aspect of their appeal. They can be extraordinarily explicit. Some love scenes go on for entire chapters. Bridgerton, an incredibly popular Netflix series, is based on a set of romances by author Julia Quinn, and both the books and the show are breathtakingly hot.
As a therapist, counselor, educator or coach, do you ask people what they read? If a client says that they feel no arousal with their partner, but is big on romance or fantasy, that may be a diagnostic clue. Fantasy and romance have intersected in big ways in the last 20 years or so, so don’t neglect this as a category, even if the books aren’t considered in the genre of romantasy. If we are working with someone who doesn’t have a lot of desire, we can also consider romances as a tool for erotic exploration.
To end on a personal note, if you, like me, surreptitiously guard or fold over the cover of some of your favorite juicy novels, maybe you can reconsider. You certainly have a lot of company.
