I was in my third trimester of a respected Marriage and Family Therapy graduate program when a classmate of mine fired the question to the director of our division.  “Where’s our sex class?” she asked. The answer was nowhere. We didn’t have one.We could take it as an elective, we were told. To do this, we had to compete with the division of counseling psychology for spots in the class

No Sex in School

In the midst of our current world situation, I’ve been thinking about a lot about what I need to “get through” this, to endure this, to thrive, and to survive this plague. I’m not thinking so much of “what to do” as to how to be. What states do I need to invoke internally to thrive instead of merely existing?I started with the concept of endurance, and decided that I

From Endurance to Alleviation

There’s a lot of talk out there about the unrealistic expectations of romantic love. Comments about the juvenile hope that the most intense part of “true love” will last forever are ubiquitous on blogs and in print. Columnists decry the idea that we could ever be taken care of the way that we were as infants, and claim that it is this infantile need to feel the center of someone’s

Romance and the Lack of Community

What is the nature of identity? We have so many parts of our identities, but those we talk about, and those we feel strongly about, can shift and change in a healthy person. Some we will keep for a lifetime: “I’m a quilter.” “I’m a cop.” “I’m a feminist.” “I’m a Democrat.” If you know us, you’re will often know those things about us pretty quickly, because we consider them

The Nature of a Whole Identity

Those who understand sexual orientation in deeper ways tend to talk about it as a fluid state throughout the lifetime, with people falling into points on a spectrum—some remain fairly consistently attracted to one sex or another throughout life, but many people find that their orientation shifts about as they age, whether or not their behavior follows suit. I have been wondering the same about kink (BDSM). My first observation is

Alt Identity – is it Fluid?

Don’t ever ask me to trust you, it will set off my radar. It’s been my experience that when someone says, “Trust me!”, they are too often not very trustworthy. Even if they happen to be, though, the request is poorly worded. It’s impossible to trust someone instantly. What IS possible, however, is an instant risk, and knowing the difference between the two is a measure of our emotional intelligence.In

Why Sometimes We Need Trust and Sometimes We Need Risk