Fertile. Abundant. Producing or bearing fruit. I’m reading these in my etymology sources as I look up the roots of the word fertility, and I’m having a number of reactions. Easter, from the Old pagan Oestar, came from a fertility festival (thus, the bunnies.) Sounds great! Sounds sexy! So why am I conflicted? Probably because I saw the word productive and felt vaguely nauseated. I am tired of the Western

Fertili-Tree: on natural productivity

In the years from 2018 through 2022, I dealt with a tremendous amount of grief. Among other losses, a some-time partner and long-time friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer in late 2020. I spent a year flying back and forth from Arizona to Florida during the worst of the pandemic to be of what help I could and to spend time with him. Strangely, I know I will remember it

Eroticism and Grief

Over and over again in the past couple of years I have been struck by the thought that if our culture were a marriage, we would be in the midst of divorce proceedings right now. This isn’t a new idea, there are plenty of others who have commented on it, but as a person trained in marriage and family therapy, my perspective is a little different.  As an MFT there

If Our Country Were a Marriage, What Would Save It?

In the midst of our current world situation, I’ve been thinking about a lot about what I need to “get through” this, to endure this, to thrive, and to survive this plague. I’m not thinking so much of “what to do” as to how to be. What states do I need to invoke internally to thrive instead of merely existing?I started with the concept of endurance, and decided that I

From Endurance to Alleviation

What is the nature of identity? We have so many parts of our identities, but those we talk about, and those we feel strongly about, can shift and change in a healthy person. Some we will keep for a lifetime: “I’m a quilter.” “I’m a cop.” “I’m a feminist.” “I’m a Democrat.” If you know us, you’re will often know those things about us pretty quickly, because we consider them

The Nature of a Whole Identity

Those who understand sexual orientation in deeper ways tend to talk about it as a fluid state throughout the lifetime, with people falling into points on a spectrum—some remain fairly consistently attracted to one sex or another throughout life, but many people find that their orientation shifts about as they age, whether or not their behavior follows suit. I have been wondering the same about kink (BDSM). My first observation is

Alt Identity – is it Fluid?