Over and over again in the past couple of years I have been struck by the thought that if our culture were a marriage, we would be in the midst of divorce proceedings right now. This isn’t a new idea, there are plenty of others who have commented on it, but as a person trained in marriage and family therapy, my perspective is a little different.  As an MFT there

If Our Country Were a Marriage, What Would Save It?

In the midst of our current world situation, I’ve been thinking about a lot about what I need to “get through” this, to endure this, to thrive, and to survive this plague. I’m not thinking so much of “what to do” as to how to be. What states do I need to invoke internally to thrive instead of merely existing?I started with the concept of endurance, and decided that I

From Endurance to Alleviation

What is the nature of identity? We have so many parts of our identities, but those we talk about, and those we feel strongly about, can shift and change in a healthy person. Some we will keep for a lifetime: “I’m a quilter.” “I’m a cop.” “I’m a feminist.” “I’m a Democrat.” If you know us, you’re will often know those things about us pretty quickly, because we consider them

The Nature of a Whole Identity

Those who understand sexual orientation in deeper ways tend to talk about it as a fluid state throughout the lifetime, with people falling into points on a spectrum—some remain fairly consistently attracted to one sex or another throughout life, but many people find that their orientation shifts about as they age, whether or not their behavior follows suit. I have been wondering the same about kink (BDSM). My first observation is

Alt Identity – is it Fluid?

"We don't learn from experiences. We learn from reflecting on the experience".-John DeweyI find myself in the surprising revelation this morning in meditation that to be a participant and a witness in this time of upheaval and change is a curiously horrifying and exhilarating mix. My emotions seem to be everywhere and yet my mind is wide awake. There is horror all around and there is activism, change is in

On Love, Violence and Persuasion

My mom is in the hospital right now. It’s not COVID, but it’s a serious issue. I found out Monday morning, one hour after having a conversation with her about exactly this thing: what would we do if one of us had to go into the hospital, and we could not see each other, or may never see each other again?I was out of my mind with—I’ll name it–terror–for about

Meditation = Good Day