I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Atlas Obscura, when I came across fascinating research that gave me some great insight into the creep factor. Why do we find some people creepy? Why are men and people perceived to be men seen as creepier than women? What is it that makes our skin crawl?
The podcast, in case you are interested, was about the Isla de los Muñecas, (Island of the Dolls) in Mexico City, a place with hundreds of slowly decomposing dolls. The hosts were interviewing experts in fear and the scare factor about why we find this creepy instead of sad or just odd. The answers were truly revealing.
Apparently, creepiness is associated with nonverbal behavior and other characteristics associated with unpredictability. In other words, we don’t trust the person or the situation to be as they present themselves or as it is seen. The results are consistent with the hypothesis that being creeped out is an emotional response to ambiguity about whether there is a presence of threat. We are not outright scared. But we don’t feel right. The researchers felt that feeling that crawly sensation on the skin (the origin of the word creepy) is the body’s way of cautioning us rather than warning us, enabling us to maintain vigilance when we are unsure of some person, place or thing.
I absolutely love having this information because as a sex and relationship educator, it gives me somewhere to go with people who don’t understand why they come off as creepy.
Why are people uncomfortable around you? Try checking out your mixed messages. Is your body language different from your words? Do you approach someone with the stated desire for friendship when in fact you want more? You may be standing too close to them, or staring at body parts without realizing it.
Are you hiding a desire for someone out of fear of rejection? This may be understandable, but it is not helping you. You can be private without being secretive. Just knowing that you have a right to privacy about your desires can give you the confidence to be less secretive, and maybe less creepy.
It may also help us when we are creeped out by someone else, and we aren’t sure why. In some circumstances we may be able to have a conversation with them about it. Might we be able to say something like, “You know sometimes I feel uncomfortable around you, and I’m not sure why. I don’t want to feel that way, is there something you maybe want me to know about yourself?”
This puts it squarely in their lap, giving them the responsibility of figuring it out. If they are hiding something from you, this direct approach may not result in a tell-all, but at the very least it lets them know that you are feeling something awkward from them, and they may examine it later. It has the potential to defuse the situation and even to shift the behavior.
Of course there are also people who get a thrill out of scaring people or deliberately making them uncomfortable. But even these people may be put off by your directness, and may turn elsewhere for their entertainment.
Enter your text here...
