I’ve been discussing AI chatbots as sexual/romantic relationships with students and experts lately. I have to say that while I knew it was happening, I’m still finding myself surprised and intrigued as well as deeply disturbed as I dive into the topic.
On the one hand, AI chatbots can be seen as another form of porn; a created piece of art that engages our senses and is designed to stimulate. On the other, we have never seen sexually explicit media at this level. Not even close.
AI companions can remember what you say, tailor to your specific needs, wants and desires and can be designed precisely how you want them to look, speak and act. They are programmed by software designers to grow, learn, and to keep us engaged—sometimes by any means possible. Two of the most popular template bots from one website are literally named “Abusive Boyfriend” and “Mafia Boss Boyfriend.” Both of these are described as jealous and possessive, clearly showing that users are ignorant of the differences between abuse, violence and kink.
There are privacy concerns, too, that users appear to be oblivious to. Users text and talk to bots for hours, perhaps not understanding the implications of the fact that a platform now has vast amounts of highly personal information about them stored securely away in some database somewhere. These can potentially be accessed not only by hackers, but through subpoena or other legal means should we be sued or have other legal issues like divorce in our lives.
Chatbot appearance variations are (predictably but disappointingly) heavily skewed as young, white or lighter-skinned, lean/fit, and abled. Users can customize them, of course, but the implications of the existing popular templates are deep and damaging.
The other concern is relational dynamics with real world partners. If I have an AI partner and a human partner, at one point might I be obligated ethically to have a conversation about non-monogamy?
Sexuality professionals need to be aware of the effects that AI chatbots are already having on people we work with. What is needed is a type of media literacy…on steroids. We don’t have to be negative about AI relationships to counsel and teach caution, moderation and balance. We don’t have to be sex-negative to educate about the implications of this type of media on people, no matter if they are children, teens, or adults.
ISEE will be having a series of webinars in 2026 beginning this spring and summer that addresses AI and sexuality. They will be led by experts in the topic of AI-relationships from the multiple perspectives of prevention of abuse, promotion of healthy relationships, and personal experience with AI chatbots. I am hoping that these webinars will not just teach us about the issues but also give rise to some workgroups or initiatives to create AI-media literacy or other efforts. Contact us if you want more info, or join our mailing list for updates on webinar dates.
